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Thread: Family and Parenting

  1. #111 How (And When) to Apologize to Your Child — by Dr. Laura Markham 
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    "But what does a child learn when a parent avoids apologies?

    Apologizing means you’ve done something bad, or you are bad. There’s a feeling of shame attached.

    It’s okay to damage a relationship and not acknowledge it or try to repair it.

    When you apologize, you lose status.

    No wonder kids won’t apologize to their siblings unless we force them! Wouldn’t it be better to teach these lessons, which your child learns when you model apologies?

    We all sometimes make mistakes and we can try to make things better.

    We all sometimes hurt others. It’s important to acknowledge when we do that and make amends.

    When you apologize, the other person feels better about you.

    Apologizing still may not feel easy for your child. But if you “normalize” apologizing and let your child decide when she’s ready to do it, you’ll find she’s much less resistant, and even begins to take the initiative because she enjoys the feeling of redemption."


    How (And When) to Apologize to Your Child — by Dr. Laura Markham

    http://www.positivelypositive.com/20...to-your-child/


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  2. #112 New Study Reveals Why It’s So Important To Hug & Hold Your Babies — by Alanna Ketler 
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    "In the same way that you can harm the development of your child’s brain by spanking, you can do the same by not giving them enough love and affection, suggests new study. Physical affection during a baby’s development period is even more important than we may have thought.

    To some this may sound obvious, but to many, the importance of affection is gravely overlooked and many are unaware of how much of a difference it can actually make. Skin-to-skin contact is essential for the release of the love/feel good chemical, dopamine, and this helps to aid in the healthy development of a child’s brain.

    Quite simply, the more you hug a baby, the more their brains grow and develop, says a recent study from Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Ohio."

    New Study Reveals Why It’s So Important To Hug & Hold Your Babies — by Alanna Ketler

    http://www.collective-evolution.com/...d-your-babies/


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  3. #113 It Only Takes Ten Minutes to Stop Your Child’s Whining — by Dr. Laura Markham 
    "Now when my daughter starts whining, I hold her. Sometimes it takes ten minutes, but then she tells me when she’s done, and goes off. It seems to ground her. It grounds me, too.” – Kelly

    Kelly put it beautifully — when we reach out to hold a whining child, we really are like a lightning rod, helping our child to ground herself. Once she’s restored to a state of balance and well-being, she no longer needs to whine.

    Whining can drive any parent crazy. It’s tempting to tell them we can’t listen until they use a more grown-up voice. But kids aren’t grown-ups, and their whining is a plea for help. Quite simply, children whine when they’re overwhelmed. They need to borrow our calm love so they can self-regulate."

    It Only Takes Ten Minutes to Stop Your Child’s Whining — by Dr. Laura Markham

    http://www.positivelypositive.com/20...hilds-whining/


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  4. #114 Blending a Family — by Erin Salem 
    I thought Erin's article was fascinating. I haven't run into anyone discussing the issues of blending two families...

    "I tried desperately for years to make a meaningful connection with my stepson. I tried to construct the perfect family out of these four family-shaped pieces, but nothing fit. Essentially at a certain point, I gave up trying. I quit planning perfect outings and photo-worthy dinners. I let everybody do what made them comfortable, not because I’m a deeply spiritual person who chose to release resistance; I did it because I was sick of trying.

    My husband and stepson started going to the movies together while my son and me went to the park. We all ate breakfast at different times. A lot of times we were all in separate rooms even though we were all home.

    But once I gave up and stopped trying to “set the scene,” I realized I was actually meeting everyone else in my family where they were. And slowly, moments of authentic togetherness happened here and there."


    Blending a Family — by Erin Salem

    http://www.positivelypositive.com/20...ding-a-family/



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  5. #115 Grateful Parenting — by Anne Dunlea 
    "All of us share the same fundamental need to be recognized and valued for who we are.

    Grateful Parenting invokes two complementary ideas for me. On the one hand, it suggests being a parent who practices gratefulness, who lives gratefully; including being grateful to parent, to lovingly care for a child. Such a parent would then, hopefully, role model gratefulness and infuse the home with grateful practices. On the other hand, grateful parenting also suggests being grateful for one’s particular child, being aware and appreciative of the gifts and qualities that child has. It suggests respecting one’s child as a person, and all that ensues from such an open positive attitude."

    Grateful Parenting — by Anne Dunlea

    https://gratefulness.org/blog/grateful-parenting/


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  6. #116 Kids These Days — a video by The Story Shop 


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  7. #117 Feeling Safe, Secure, and Protected: How to Support Your Inner Child — by Aletheia L 
    This article is about your inner child but Aletheia discusses how we lose our sense of security in the first place. Those are the points I found so valuable. They aren't an exhaustive list.

    • You were taught that it’s not OK to have your own opinions.
    • You were punished when trying to speak up or act differently.
    • You were discouraged from playing or having fun.
    • You weren’t allowed to be spontaneous.
    • You weren’t allowed to show strong emotions such as anger or joy.
    • You were shamed by your parents or family members.
    • You were verbally criticized/abused on a regular basis.
    • You were physically punished, e.g. smacked, beaten.
    • You were made to feel responsible for your parents and their level of happiness.
    • You weren’t given physical affection, e.g. hugs, kisses, cuddles.
    Feeling Safe, Secure, and Protected: How to Support Your Inner Child — by Aletheia Luna

    https://lonerwolf.com/feeling-safe-inner-child/


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  8. #118 The Key to Raising Resilient Children — by Mark Bertin, Sharon Salzberg and more 
    Teaching children how to bounce back from adversity starts with modeling our own mistakes and how we forgive ourselves for them. This expert Q&A with Sharon Salzberg, Dr. Chris Willard, and Dr. Mark Bertin explores what it means to go through the muck instead of around.

    As part of the “Garrison Talks at the JCC” event series at the Marlene Myerson JCC Manhattan, meditation teacher and author Sharon Salzberg recently spoke with Dr. Chris Willard, a psychologist and educational consultant, and Dr. Mark Bertin, a developmental pediatrician and mindfulness teacher, about how to cultivate resilience in children.

    Sharon Salzberg:"Do you think it’s harder for kids these days? That’s sort of the common understanding or feeling."
    The Key to Raising Resilient Children — by Mark Bertin, Sharon Salzberg and Christopher Willard

    https://www.mindful.org/the-key-to-r...ient-children/



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  9. #119 The Danger of Perennial Parenting — by Terri Cole 
    Being a parent is a forever endeavor. Active parenting, on the other hand, should not necessarily be. This brings me to the topic of today’s post, the downside to what I am calling, Perennial Parenting.

    Most parents are somewhat well versed in the phases of child development. You would not relate to a seven-year-old in the same manner that you would a two-year-old, because it wouldn’t make sense and is not appropriate. This also applies to relating to your grown adult child in the same manner you would a teenager. Yet this is exactly how many parents do relate to their grown kids.

    There is a cost for enabling your children to stay dependent on you, for all involved. If a parent is overly identified with their role as caregiver, problem fixer and the ‘responsible’ one, relating to grown kids in an age-appropriate and a mutually respectful way can be very challenging. There are many reasons people fall into the perennial parenting trap. The first is family of origin. If your parents taught you that perpetual parenting equaled love, it makes sense that you would consciously and unconsciously believe the same. Modeled behavior is a very powerful influencer of our behavior. Unless there is some kind of intervention or conscious decision to do it differently, we will naturally repeat what we’ve seen (even if we swore we wouldn’t!
    The Danger of Perennial Parenting — by Terri Cole

    https://www.positivelypositive.com/2...ial-parenting/


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  10. #120 8 Ways we Violate our Kids’ Boundaries & how it Affects them Later in Life. 
    Boundary violations like the following can be traumatic to children:

    1. Requiring children to hug and be physically affectionate with people as a way to be polite: “Give your Auntie a hug” or “Kiss Mommy!”
    2. Not allowing our children to have negative emotions: “You have no reason to be angry about that” or “Stop crying and cheer up, this is ridiculous!”
    3. Making adult emotions the responsibility of our children: “Mommy is so sad. If you want to make Mommy happy, you’ll put your shoes on” or “You hurt my feelings because you didn’t listen to me.”
    4. Discussing the private lives of adults in great detail with young and emotionally immature children: “I hate my boss! He’s an ass and he treats me like dirt.”
    5. Speaking unfavorably about the other parent (or other people the child knows and loves): “Your father never follows through on his word.”
    6. Parents speaking unfavorably about themselves in front of the kids: “Oh I’m so fat and hideous” or “I’m such an idiot!”
    7. Requiring older children to do things that they really don’t want to do (like play a sport or an instrument that they don’t enjoy).
    8. Publicly shaming children by chastising them for their behavior in front of others.

    When we put our kids in an uncomfortable situation like any of the above and make them accept it as normal, we put them at a disadvantage that can affect them all the way into adulthood.
    This is the heart of Natha's perspective but you should really read the whole article to understand how this affects people later in life. She provides some excellent observations and conclusions.

    8 Ways we Violate our Kids’ Boundaries & how it Affects them Later in Life. — by Natha Perkins

    https://www.elephantjournal.com/2017...later-in-life/


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