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Thread: Family and Parenting

  1. #161 How to Help Your Kids Understand Forgiveness — a video by Greater Good Science Center 

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  2. #162 Honesty, Anger and Parenting — by Dr. Laura Markham 
    “Dr. Laura…I think we as parents need to be honest about our own anger, disappointment, sadness about our child’s choices…”

    I agree completely. We need to be honest about our own feelings — with ourselves! We need to notice our emotions as they come up, take responsibility for them, and work through them.

    Because the truth is that every parent sometimes feels rage toward his or her child. Stuffing those feelings doesn’t help anyone.

    But that does NOT mean that we need to “dump” our upsets on our child in the name of being honest. That’s not acting like a grown-up. It’s not coaching our child to be his or her best self, either. In fact, when kids follow that modeling, it looks like tantrums.

    So unless there’s immediate danger — in which case you need to remove a child from harm’s way — I recommend that parents try to avoid relating to their children when they’re angry.

    Does that mean we aren’t being honest, truthful and authentic? I don’t think so. Let’s take this one step at a time.
    Honesty, Anger and Parenting — by Dr. Laura Markham

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  3. #163 When You’ve Had a Tough Day as a Parent… — by Tyler Jacobson 
    Being a parent is one of the toughest jobs you can sign up for. Sure every parent has bad days but some just make you feel that you’ve come to the very end of your rope.

    Maybe you’ve had yet another shouting match with your teen daughter and you wonder how it can possibly get any worse. Or you find out that your teen son has been skipping school to smoke pot and gamble with his circle of questionable friends. You’ve tried talking and reasoning things out with them to no avail. You don’t know how things got so bad. How did your little angel morph into this angry, belligerent teen?

    You have tried everything you could think of, read every parenting article and book you could get your hands on. Still, you suspect that there’s something you’re missing. Some magic tip or parenting technique that will make all this go away.

    You can’t help but compare your family with others and yours comes up short. In spite of your best efforts, your family just doesn’t seem to be as happy as others are and you feel like a failure because of it.

    It’s not just the frustration and anger that wear you out. It’s the anxiety and guilt. You’re frightened by your teen’s behavior and are worried sick about what it means for their future. As if that’s not enough, deep down, you harbor a sneaky suspicion that maybe this is all your fault. You feel guilty about how your child turned out and blame yourself.

    What do you do when you’ve had a tough day being a parent? When you want so badly to fix things and make them better but the cauldron of emotions you’re experiencing leaves you feeling defeated and inadequate?

    Here’s what you do:
    When You’ve Had a Tough Day as a Parent… — by Tyler Jacobson

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  4. #164 The Evolutionary Importance of Grandmothers — by Ashleigh Wilson 
    When she smiles, the lines in her face become epic narratives that trace the stories of generations that no book can replace. ― Curtis Tyrone Jones
    When I look back on my fondest childhood memories, there are a few that always surface. Standing on a chair in the kitchen next to my Nana as she teaches me to make pikelets; I wait till her back is turned before slyly dunking my finger in the mixture. Watching avidly as she tells me tales that her grandmother shared with her. And excitedly showing her the latest issue of my weekly newspaper ‘The Daily Llama’ – she’s the biggest (and only) fan.

    When I was older and came to terms with the fact that ‘The Daily Llama’ was never going to be a success, I cherished long chats with Nana after school as I plonked myself on the carpet next to her rocking chair. She shared her wisdom, her humour, and her humility with me. Of course, all these things were vehicles for her unconditional love.

    With both my parents working full-time, my grandparents played an important role in my upbringing. While not every family has this dynamic (there is no right or wrong), science is beginning to show that grandparents, and grandmothers in particular, have played a crucial role in human evolution and most importantly, how we connect with each other.

    Anthropologists and evolutionary biologists have been questioning the reason for women to go through menopause, a stage in life that we do not share with other primates. After all, wouldn’t it be better for the species if women were able to continue bearing children for the entirety of their lives? Men can procreate for as long as they can rise to the occasion.

    The ‘Grandmother Hypothesis’ argues that the role of grandmothers in society helps shape who we are.
    The Evolutionary Importance of Grandmothers — by Ashleigh Wilson

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  5. #165 The 5 Lessons Children Should Learn When They Are Little — by Carol Wang 
    The most important things children should learn when they are little are the things you teach them as a parent, right?

    Okay, having a child is an adventure. There are many enjoyable aspects but also a great deal of responsibility to raise a functional, righteous, and happy human being.

    To do that, there are some things children should learn when they’re still little. Discover the tools that will help your child become a better version of themselves.
    The first important thing that Carol identifies and discusses is...

    1. Be Independent

    I certainly agree with that one. All her suggestions are right on target.

    The 5 Lessons Children Should Learn When They Are Little — by Carol Wang

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  6. #166 Parenting Gone Unquestioned — by Terri Poppins 
    Currently, all children learn as a “way of life” is simply what is passed down from generation to generation, without question. The “same old thing” over and over again.

    I remember an old story where a grown daughter was having her mom over for dinner one evening. The daughter decided to make her mom’s favorite dinner, pot roast. As the daughter started to make the meal, she placed the slab of meat on a cutting board, proceeded to cut off a big chunk of meat from each of the ends of the roast, and then tossed those ends in the trash. She then placed the pot roast in a casserole dish. Her mom, who was sitting at the table watching her, said “Why did you cut off and waste all that good meat? To which the daughter replied “Well that is what you always used to do when you made pot roast.” The mom sat there for a moment and then responded, “Honey, I did that because I had a small casserole dish that the pot roast rarely fit into, and so I had to cut the ends off in order to cook it.”

    The daughter never questioned why her mom did what she did. She just mimicked it without question. We never question why we do the things that we do, or why we say the things we say. We never question things –we just simply live from “borrowed words and actions”.

    And as difficult as it may be to believe, that is exactly why you see a world “out there” that never truly changes. There may be what appears to be change, but that change is really just a reconfiguration of the old.

    Children, perhaps for millennia, are like photo copy machines – and I mean that wholeheartedly. They mimic our facial expressions, our verbal intonations and phrases, and most importantly, our negative reactions to life’s unwanted events.

    They mimic every little thing. They are watching and “recording” us all the time and most of that time, we are not even aware of that fact, because if we were, we wouldn’t do or say the things that we do in their presence.
    Parenting Gone Unquestioned — by Terri Poppins

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  7. #167 A Kindness Practice for Families — by Christopher Willard 
    Explore this mindfulness practice that parents and kids can do together—offering good wishes and compassion to others.
    A Kindness Practice for Families — by Christopher Willard

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  8. #168 Introducing Greater Good Parenting Videos: Raising Caring, Courageous Kids 
    Join us as we share research-based insights to guide your kids toward making choices that serve the greater good.
    The link below is to a page that shares dozens of videos on this topic. A Bonanza!

    Introducing Greater Good Parenting Videos: Raising Caring, Courageous Kids — by Susan Harris, Maryam Abdullah, Kelly Whalen

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  9. #169 Two Ways to Nudge Your Kids Toward Honesty — by Maryam Abdullah 
    Parents can be surprised to discover that preschoolers start to tell lies between two and four years old. When my preschooler accidentally breaks his toys, he has been known to say that a mouse did it.

    Do you have a “mouse” in your house who breaks things, too? Like me, you might wonder how to help your children cultivate honesty as they get older.

    Researchers recently investigated this with over 200 mostly white children from Montreal, Canada, who were between five and eight years old. They found that while kids can be easily tempted to dishonesty, there are simple ways to help them tell the truth even when it’s hard.

    The children played a trivia game that gave them an opportunity for cheating. The researcher told the children that they could earn a prize if they correctly answered four multiple-choice questions, the first three of which had obvious answers—like “What kind of sweet liquid do bees make? Milk, maple syrup, cream, or honey?”

    The last question, “What is the capital city of Amaro?,” was a trick question; it is a made-up country. Before the children could choose their answer, the researcher said she had to leave the room because she forgot something from the office. She told the children not to peek at the cards (which had the answers on the back) while she was gone. Unbeknownst to the kids, the researchers video-recorded them while they were alone in the room. After a minute, the researcher came back, asked the children if they had peeked at the cards, and then asked for their answer.

    Overall, the majority of kids—61 percent—cheated by peeking at the trivia cards and 85 percent of those who peeked lied about it when asked if they did. But the researchers found that they could influence children’s honesty in two different ways.
    To find out those two ways...

    Two Ways to Nudge Your Kids Toward Honesty — by Maryam Abdullah

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  10. #170 Cultivating Attention in Your Child — by Terri Poppins 
    How important do you as parents believe it is to cultivate attention in your child? I believe it is a vital component that has become so “put aside.”

    Children are very easily distracted as we all know. They walk to their rooms to get something, but rarely walk straight to their rooms, because something grabs their attention and distracts them. We need not interfere in their playtime.

    However, in practical terms, we can work on teaching them the importance of following instruction without getting distracted, which will pay itself forward in so many ways in their life down the line.
    Cultivating Attention in Your Child — by Terri Poppins

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